Assertiveness is the ability to express your opinions, thoughts, needs and feelings in a direct, honest and respectful manner. It means standing up for your own rights without offending others or denying their rights.
Communicating assertively helps others feel heard and respected. It also shows that their opinions and rights are acknowledged.
Passive Behaviour
Passive behaviour occurs when we:
- Do not stand up for our own rights.
- Express our views in an apologetic or uncertain way.
Aggressive Behaviour
Aggressive behaviour occurs when we:
- Stand up for our rights in a way that violates the rights of others.
- Express our views in an inappropriate or disrespectful manner.
Manipulative Behaviour
Manipulative behaviour occurs when we:
- Try to achieve a desired outcome through dishonesty or indirect control.
- Use tactics such as lying or bribery (for example, withholding friendship) to gain compliance.
Assertive Communication Techniques
- Listen and empathise: Follow the 3R approach — Repeat, Rephrase and Reflect — to show understanding.
- Use the word “however”: It helps balance your opinion with the other person’s viewpoint.
- State your views firmly: Maintain a calm and confident tone while expressing your thoughts.
- Be ready to agree to disagree: Respect differing opinions without feeling pressured to change your own.